My friends and colleagues often tell me about how behind they are on things. Sometimes there is an element of bragging associated with this “busy-ness” but usually it’s a cry for help. I’ve experienced this feeling of being behind at different points and the way out of it hasn’t always been clear. Advice like “say no to more things” is well-intentioned but too simplistic since the situations are a lot more nuanced. So I want to explore why people get into this situation often and ways to get out of it.
Growing pains
A big reason for why someone maybe behind on things may have to do with how well they are doing in their role! I know this sounds counter-intuitive (or not) but the more successful you are in your role, the more responsibilities you will be given. So in some sense, being behind can be the consequence of a lot of personal growth happening in a very short amount of time. But there is a thin line between accelerated growth and experiencing burnout. (I know folks who are scared to take time off to avoid falling being further.) This is hard to talk about since these “high-achievers” want to take on more and prove that they can succeed, since that is how they have gotten this far. The more responsibilities you have, the harder it is to say no.
Getting out of this situation requires having an empathetic boss who cares about your well-being over short term outcomes. (Being easy on yourself and letting up on expectations also helps.) Personally, I have benefited from having such managers at the right time and I consider myself extremely lucky. For instance, I received very harsh peer feedback for dropping the ball on some things because I had too much to do. But my manager was able to put that in perspective and not let that affect my career growth in any way. I concluded from this experience that I needed to ask for help when I’m drowning. But as we will discuss in the next section, there are still other factors at play.
Beware of optimism
We “know” we need to say no when we are overwhelmed. Right? But why doesn’t this happen as much as it should? I think inherently we are very optimistic about everything – our abilities, the time we have and the effort needed to accomplish anything. We’d be more conservative about our commitments, if we were good at estimating how much work it would take to finish a task. “Oh this would be just a few extra hours” is a trap that we fall into without recognizing the cognitive load of context switching, dealing with edge-cases, follow-ups, coordinating with others, communication overhead etc. Every small task involves such hidden work that it almost always takes twice as long if not longer. Only with enough experience of being burned will someone be able to identify this.
So what’s the solution here? Personally, what has worked for me is to minimize work-in-progress. In other words, not taking on a second thing without finishing something that you are already doing. Depending on the circumstance, you can decide how many things you can handle in parallel. This includes mentoring, projects, one-off commitments etc. Once you know your capacity, you can set good boundaries and expectations both with yourself and those around you. Internalizing the idea that I am significantly more effective when I do fewer things has been a big change. This is because I can do them well without other things competing for my time. Overall, I have come to appreciate the power of slack and recognizing that effectiveness is more valuable than efficiency.
Real or perceived?
Being behind and “feeling” behind are two different things. I have worked one tasks where it feels like time has stopped and there have been weeks that have flown by when working on some other things. So it’s quite possible that you are not actually behind but you just feel that way since what you are doing is something you don’t really enjoy. Start by recognizing which tasks energize you and which ones leave you feeling deflated. (Related: I’ve written about mental energy as a resource.) You may feel a lot better by cutting out the tasks you dread without actually reducing your working hours. If this doesn’t help or is not possible, it might be time for a role/company change.
“Being behind” is not a one-time phenomenon, if it happens once it will likely happen again. So being more aware of the causes and being able to debug our feelings and situation can be the way only truly effective solution in the long-term. If you don’t feel able to tackle this on your own, talk to a trusted friend or colleague. Sometimes the situation becomes clearer when we hear ourselves talking about it. It has taken me years to recognize the signs and take action (slowly). So don’t give up hope in addressing your situation. Good luck 🙂